I've relocated.

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Happy Birthday to me!

...my big plans for today? ...watch the season premiere of Smallville. whoo hoo. -_-

The dilemma(s) of disorder

So life has moved on after making diving. My new schedule has now taken part, and is starting to become routine. Things have resumed/started to their normal pace. I'm suddenly, however, busy, and literally scrambling for time. Joining new activities has contorted my life, definitely, but I'm not necessarily unhappy with how things are... It's just how things are working out. This past week/end, I was really sad. Schoolwork had me so swamped and busy that I didn't have time at all to go out and spent time with my friends, or my youth on wednsday for the bible study. This last saturday I felt like rudeness was being handed to me on a platter, and today as well. Those feelings of distance from everyone have come flashing back into my face. I really don't know what it is, because it's not like I've been halfway across the world for a month. Today in sunday school, I got a little confused. I'm struggling right now; juggling activities and schoolwork has made me increasingly frantic and nervous for time, and people are starting to 'reject' me, if you will. Ate Jo said to think for a moment. These struggles are blessings in disguise, helping us remember and realize that we are weak, and can do nothing without God. Ok, so I agree, these struggles are reminders of just how weak we are... I know I can't do anything without God. I'm aware of the whole "blessings in disguise" aspects to "struggles". so, why are the struggles still here? Why hasn't God relieved me of my pains, of my worries, of my stress? If I've been reminded already, why do the problems still remain? ...I dunno. I feel like I'm unravelling. Things feel like they're falling apart. I've really been praying a lot, meditating and listening to christian music. I just don't understand how I can still feel like I'm falling, when I've been reaching out to God so much. Really, I am(was?) in such a good position with God. My faith was strong, I prayed a lot... felt like I just came back from a retreat or something. and yet, things have gotten continuously psychologically worse for me. What's up, God? :( no, I know I can't be skeptical of how God works. I'm just... frustrated. sad. I'm still praying that things will, and shall clear up... but at this point, it doesn't seem like much is working. Now, I'm not saying I'm giving up on prayer, or I'm giving up on believing... Things just have me in a bind, is all. Will things ever clear up... :\

brian

so, after how much freaking delay, I have officially made the diving team! :D I went to the naditorium after school today. Coach Eric, the diving coach, was there. For once, we finally cross paths! but yeah, I told him basically what I had been telling the counselor and the swimming coach, and then was he like "of course!". :D I think they're just anxious to get new people in, there aren't that many on the team. but yeah, my "tryout" actually went terrible. He showed me all the simple things and stuff, i.e. "hurdling", arm&hand placement... that sort of thing. I ended up making a fool of myself, half doing forwards and inwards when I simply was just supposed to jump off the board. thus, slamming on my stomach or back. X( I can still feel the sting of both pain, and embarassment. Not that it really mattered, I was on the team regardless, but even still. That probably wasn't the best first impression I could have given. My fellow team members are really cool! :) jeez, there are 3 "Brian" s on the team now... what's up with that. Oh, and there was this one guy who had an uncanny resemblance to Alexandre Despatie! Turns out he's basically a newb to diving too. Go figure. awwright, learning diving with an Alexandre look a like! ^___^ what an experience that'll be. Tomorrow I go to the counselor to get my new schedule. I'll be regretfully switching from my track period to the diving period. Track was so much fun too. I got a lot workout time there. In joining diving, I'll be momentarily giving up track, and I may be having to drop the musical as well. Yes, it's true. With rehearsal times and diving practice times overlapping by about an hour, I doubt I'll be able to do both. SUCKS, right?! :( that makes me very sad. I made the call backs and everything. Call backs are actually tomorrow, so maybe I can try and get things worked out to where I might be able to do both. I'll try everything I can to get things to work, but I know that the musical directors are NOT flexible... I could tell by how p.o. ed they were when people were late for their audition by like 1 minute. We'll see how things go. Pray, pray, pray...

get the "wow worship I" CD. It's awesome. There's this one version of "I Could Sing of Your Love Forever" that had me in tears last night. So awesome. Christian music is 'da bomb'. ^____^

brian

   My "scary week" is finis. How did I fare, you ask?

Scare #1, a.k.a. my "diving tryout", confronted me yesterday afternoon. By that point, I was a little disappointed and way anxious, because I was supposed to have gone to the naditorium Tuesday. The whole ride, I was deathly quiet. I was praying and hoping the entire 20min(?). When I got to the naditorium, the diving coach was sadly not present. The swimming coach, however, was, and I was able to chat and talk with him. I told him what was up; how I really didn't have much experience, and that I was hoping to incorporate learning and hopefully competing at the same time. After I'd finished, what he said put me into a mental shock for a few seconds. "Sure, you can join the team!" I wanted to bust out and say 'that's it?' to him. He said that there would probably be some conflict in changing my schedule around, and he didn't know for certain if things could be arranged, but if things were able to work out, he said that he didn't see any reason why the diving coach would object to me being on the team. I was ecstatic!! I felt like giving him a great big grandeur hug, but I held myself back. He brought up the consideration that in the psychotic offchance that I didn't get accepted, I should just do swimming. He watched me do 50m(?) freestyle, which went ok, other than the fact that I kept going freaking crooked. -_-;; I felt retarded after I got out of the water, but the coach was cool about it, giving me the excuse of no goggles. The idea hadn't even dawned upon me to ask before I jumped into the water. Anyway, he said that if I didn't make diving, he would certainly accept me for swimming. I'll be going to the naditorium again, early monday morning, to meet with the diving coach, and get things straightened out... the swimming coach made it seem like it'll be no problem to get accepted. so, basically? I made diving!! :D

Scare #2, a.k.a. my audition for the Footloose musical, confronted me Wednsday afternoon, as scheduled.I spent approx. an hour with Crystabelle and Ji Yeon waiting for our tryout group to be called. LOL, great times with them. I swear, just hanging out with friends is what I really find the most fun. Anyway, the audition went fairly well. My song was "Sanctuary". you know, that praise&worship song. :) I thought I did ok. I'm still quite the unconfident in my singing talents. The dancing segment went good too, only I felt like a retard! you know in all those jazz type musicals, where everyone has on those facials and the hand gestures and happy-go-lucky!, just-havin-fun attitudes all up and about and boo-bop-bedoobedoo? Yeah, that's what we had to do. I felt really dumb doing all the stuff, but I did it regardless, and I think I pulled it off pretty well. After all, you're supposed to act retarded in musicals. :) The results for call backs were delayed, so I wasn't able to see if I made it until today. and, well?? I made it!!! :D OhH, how I jumped around in ecstacy and joy once I saw my name on that list with a crapload of upperclassmen that I hardly knew. yesSS!!!

I cannot believe I didn't write about this at the beginning of my blog. Ate Melanie delivered; Angelina Michelle Arevalo has arrived!!! 09/06/04 if you'll check the date on that, my beautiful baby niece was born Labor Day... how funny. Achie in labor on labor day. ha! It's incredible! :D I want to thank everyone for the support and the prayers. The delivery was safe, smooth, and the baby is perfectly fine and insanely cuute! Yeah, that's why my diving tryout was momentarily delayed from Tuesday, since we were at the hospital... but I am most definitely not complaining! Man, my sister being a mother is so surreal. This birth was truly a gift from God, and I feel so blessed to have been able to be a part of it(well, in a manner of speaking). Angelina is soo chinese looking! aww! I can't wait until you all see her, she's adorable. Once again, thanks for the prayers, I really appreciate it. :D

The events of this one week has ultimately changed and set the environment of what is to come for me in this school semester and/or year. I'm praying and asking for so much, I feel like I'm overwhelming God! :\ I want to do all of these things... Diving, the musical, ACC, Japanese club, orchestra, CCYM, my youth, the church.. and maintain above-average grades. I really don't know if I can do it all, and it makes me a little sad. When I say "can't", I don't mean that I don't have the ablility... it's just that my time runs a little shorter when you have all of these things that you want to take part in, and there are already conflicts building up. Being this hectic is really making me feel like one of those big 'ol high school teenagers. To be honest, it actually really isn't all that surreal. That comes as a huge shock to me. Anyway, I'm not so sure I'll be able to do both diving and the musical, with rehearsal and practice times conflicting... my involvement with ACC and orchestra will probably become a hindrance... my availability for my youth could possibly lower, and I hate that. I really don't know what the future lies in store for me, but I'm just praying that my parents won't be too disappointed in me if my grades don't meet their expectations. Wait, what am I talking about, I never can meet their expectations. *sigh* I really just don't know. I'm confused, and things are starting to get hectic. Schoolwork is starting to pile up, and all the while, I get involved in more and more activities and groups. I'm just praying for the best. Praying, praying, praying. I think that's basically the best thing I can do. Y'all pray for me too, aite guys? :)

sa yo na ra.

tito brian ^____^